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Fertility & Wellness: A Sex Therapist's Journey to Having a Baby Part 2

(read Part 1 here) January 2020 marked a new beginning. It was the year of self-care! I was determined to work on my mental, emotional, physical, sexual, financial, spiritual, professional, and social well-being. I had found a new gym home and was exercising regularly. My diet had changed for the healthier. I was no longer drinking juice or soda, just water 98% of the time, and had incorporated dark green leafy vegetables into my daily meals (smoothies saved my life!). I was working on my sex therapy certification as well as trying to grow my private practice. I had already been thinking about where I would travel this upcoming summer, maybe Greece or Thailand. I was nurturing my spiritual side by listening to sermons online, reading online bible study plans, and researching manifestation and the power of positive energy. I also decided to take a break from dating and planned on scheduling an appointment with the fertility clinic for another reproductive/egg count check. Then the pandemic hit!

With the world on pause and everything shut down, I took this opportunity to go full force with my self-care. The pandemic gave me time to sit with myself without the hustle and bustle and noise from the outside world. Around this time, I came across articles about women and couples who had to put their adoption or fertility treatments on hold due to Covid-19. Additionally, I read an article about a black woman in her late 30s/early 40s who had decided to become a single mother by choice (SMC or SMBC). These articles resonated with me as I began to reflect and listen to my heart. I realized that what I wanted was to have a baby either naturally or through adoption and that my window was closing. Taking a break from dating was freeing, but at the same time, it was delaying my goal to be married and have kids. I was knocking on the door of age 36, which is considered advanced maternal age (; in other words, my eggs were geriatric.

I started to reflect and have conversations with myself and my higher power. I struggled with traditional, religious, societal, and cultural messages I received of having kids, "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage," which went against what my heart and soul were telling me. Additionally, I began having thoughts of not having the opportunity to try and conceive a child, which would bring me to tears and cause me anxiety. I wondered what my family, friends, and co-workers would think if I pursued this non-traditional method. Would they be judgmental, disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed by me? As I was going back and forth internally, I knew one thing for sure I did not want to live my life with regrets. As the pandemic continued, I became inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement and the Black LGBTQ+ community championing Black Trans Lives Matter. People who looked like me were willing to take a risk for change, justice, equality, and living an authentic life. I thought to myself, is my happiness dictated by the opinions and thoughts of others. The answer was an emphatic NO! Now it was time for me to move forward with taking the necessary steps to become a mom! Stay tuned for part 3. #fertility #wellness #stepstowardswellness #SMC #SMBC #MochaSMC #selfcare #mentalhealth #counseling #therapy #ivf #iui #sextherapy #mom #kids #children #mommy #blackmoms #fertilityjourney #women #blackwomen #over30 #over35 #dreams #hopes #prayers #chasinggoals #pandemic

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