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Fertility & Wellness: A Sex Therapist's Journey to Having a Baby Part 1


The last time I wrote a blog was almost a year ago. I was on my Eat, Pray Love: Black and Covid style journey (check it out here). It was a great adventure where I focused on myself and the things that brought me joy. I also started the inner work of asking myself what do I want my life to look like and how am I going to get there. One of the answers I came up with is that I want to have children. Well, that was simple. Now that I know what I want my life to look like, here comes the hard part. How am I going to get there?


I remember reading an article a few years back about Monet Bell who was on the first season of Married at First Sight. In the article (here), she talks about wanting to freeze her eggs and how it takes the pressure off of dating and rushing to have kids before it's biologically and physically too late. The seed had been planted. This was my first step into the fertility world. It was the summer of 2017 and I scheduled my first appointment with the fertility clinic to see where my reproductive system/egg count was at. I don't recall much about the procedures I had to do, but what I do remember are all the tubes of blood that were taken from my arm. It had to be at least 10...at least! Once that was all said and done, I met with the doctor regarding my results. She said that everything looked good. I wasn't ready to move forward with having a baby but I was interested in freezing my eggs. The doctor told me the cost and I nearly flipped out. I asked her to repeat the price, $8,000 and that was only the egg retrieval process which didn't include storage fees, shipping fees, and let's not even get into transferring the egg/embryo back into my body once I am ready to get pregnant. Even after all of that, there was still no guarantee from start to finish that I would have a baby. So, that was a no. I was turning 33 and broke. When I shared this experience with a few friends and family members, many responded saying that I had time and I would find someone.


Fast forward to January 2020, where I decided to take a break from dating. You name it, I tried it, and have the funny, not-so-funny, and wtf stories to prove it: online dating, speed dating events, blind dating, approaching a guy, and an oldie but goodie stand there and look cute just to name a few of my approaches. I was exhausted not only from dating but also professionally, I was black and burned out (check it out here). 2020 was going to be my year to focus on myself....stay tuned for part 2.

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